Laying Blame! - Response to a Complaint by a Bochur on Shlichus
Complaint:
How can parents be upset that we (bochurim on shlichus) are bad examples for their children? It is their job to bring up their children!
Response:
In terms of the role of parents, you are certainly correct that it is their responsibility to teach by example 24/7. The primary behavioural examples children look to (at least as young children) are their parents. Children are very observant, and every single thing a parent does is percieved (even if only sub-conciously) as a form of instruction; and it is unrealistic to expect that a child listen to a verbal instruction that contradicts the continuous instruction they have been recieving their entire life. Other factors can interfere, but in the rare scenario where parents are completely consistent in everything they stand for from their behaviour to their verbal instructions, it is much less likely that children will dissappoint their parents.
Laying blame is a common behaviour in all ascpects of life, and parents will often blame the behaviour of their children on other influencing factors including people they see as bad examples, where they themselves are far from being the examples they sould, BUT.....
Where a child's behavioral instruction is primarily the responsibility of the parents, that does not relieve other people from the responsibility to be the best example they can. A doctor can not be careless in treatment of a malnourished child just because the malnutrition is a direct result of the parents poor behaviour and lack of dedication to that child (even in a case where this is true). Neither can a shliach of the Rebbe watch Hashem's children miss out on proper instruction, just because parents didn't provide it when they should have. Shluchim of the Rebbe -be they only young bachelors, have the ability to teach by example and maybe fill the void left by a parent's inconsistencies. That is why the Rebbe sends shluuchim. There is no way that the Rebbe would spend so much yiddishe gelt sending young adults all over the world so that they do what suits them, and not bother to go out of their way to help a yiddishe child in need of a good example. Shlichus is the Rebbe's work. The Rebbe's work IS helping another jew despite the fact that his situation is not your fault. And the Rebbe's work demands making the supreme effort to behave appropriately even though it is not easy. Being a shliach makes it your responsibility!
posted by Dr Sooll at 3:11 PM
11 Comments:
being a teenager, i completly agree with what you said. although we look up to our parents alot, in many areas we relate more to bochurim. we look up to them. they are meant to be an example to us. while it is not their job to bring up children, it IS their job to be a good example, and influence us to grow.
18/7/06 10:24 PM
The question begs itself... how can a bochur on Shlichus not feel a bit of responsibility on his own for how he is seen by the kids, or the community for that matter?
18/7/06 11:26 PM
that is what shlichos is. simple.
19/7/06 10:04 AM
nice to see an update ;)
19/7/06 10:06 AM
Of course that's exactly what shlichus is about.
But unfortunately the question was asked (on another blog). The original post left me shocked, and I had no choice but to respond. I thought a modified version of the response might not be out of place here.
19/7/06 12:59 PM
ok but at the end of the day we ARE humans!!!
19/7/06 1:11 PM
Yes, and humans have control of what they do and there are certain things which are way out of hand. Shall I cite incidents?
19/7/06 3:06 PM
i do not know what you are refering to by "out of hand" - all i am saying is that sometimes they expect too much of us. we are not perfect, and we can make mistakes. not everything is our responsability.
19/7/06 3:26 PM
Of course we are all human, and we certainly all make mistakes. No one can realistically expect anyone to be perfect. But to say that because it is the parents' role shluchim have no responsibility to try and improve a situation where someone else neglected to do so, seems to be missing the entire point of shlichus. Everyone has a responsibility to put on Tefillin. Do you say that because someone neglected that resposibility even though they are aware of it, it is their problem, and you will not attempt to assist them in doing the mitzvah?
On the parents' part, they may indeed be unfair in expecting to much. However on the part of the shliach, there is no such thing as too much. Shlichus is about being bottul to the meshaleach, and completely devoting one's self to the shlichus regardless of the effort. The Rebbe could always be bothered no matter the time, place, or scenario. As the Rebbe's shliach, one must endeavor to give of themselves as much as humanly possible. Being only human, mistakes will be made; but to be comfortable with behaving inapropriately is giving in to laziness and is not a characteristic of one representing the Rebbe.
19/7/06 6:42 PM
fair enough. however this then raises the question - should everyone be goin on shlichos? obviosly, noone is perfect, however there are many people on shlichos today that i would not exactly call a "good example" - be it the rebbitzins and their tznius, or whatever it is. where do we draw the line?
19/7/06 9:14 PM
you know what - im sorry but this whole thing is kind of upsetting me. the person that raised this question to begin with must be really stupid. its called trying to get the easy way out and not taking responsability for your own actions. if YOU choose to go on shlichos. then you should fulfill that role proporly! i understand that not everyone is capable of being the best rabbi in the world - but that person IS capable of fulfilling that role to the best of their ability. they should be a good example to the kids around them. thats one of the main functions of their jobs. whoever dosnt understand that needs to relearn what shlichos is all about. if they feel they cant do that then dont go on shlichos. period!
20/7/06 8:23 PM
Post a Comment
<< Home