Platonic Relationships

Stimulus:

A blog discussion about platonic inter-gender relationships where arguments were made based on the following quotes:

“V’al tarbeh sichah im ha’isha” (Pirkei Avos 1,5)

“And do not engage in excessive conversation with the woman”

“Vehamistakel afillu b’etzbah ketanah shel isha”(Even Ha’ezer 21,1)

(A prohibition against) “One who looks even at the little finger of a woman”

My Take:

Quotes in general, and particularly from Torah, must remain in context. The stipulation that a man may not look even at a woman's little finger is qualified as applying specifically when looking would be associated with carnal pleasure.

The fact is that members of both genders are permitted to be in public, and men are not required to wear blindfolds. If however a man is particularly sensitive to the sight of any part of a woman’s body, he is obligated to avoid any such exposure.

The abovementioned Mishnah clearly forbids excessive conversation between men and women, but do keep in mind that "Excessive conversation" is relative. Perhaps a reason for the ambiguity is that the exact location where the line must be drawn is variable for different individuals. Whilst a halachah may not be dismissed because one feels they are above it or that the reason does not apply to them, when a halachah is stated ambiguously lechatchilah, the halachah itself is leaving room for interpretation based on personal standing. This interpretation requires extreme caution and absolute honesty with one's self, combined with direction from a reliable Rav or Mashpiah.

Shulchan aruch states: "Tzarich Ha'adam l'hisrachek me'hanashim meod meod" (Even Ha'ezer 21,1). The shulchan aruch continues to list things that are forbidden under the umbrella of this halacha and includes 'flirting.' It does not forbid merely talking to a woman, nor does it forbid being polite or greeting a neighbor.

Consider a scenario where one knows of a mixed Jewish social event where there will be a large number of young adults who may be receptive to inspirational divrei Torah, but as of yet there are none planned and the event is purely social. I do not think it would be out of place for an individual who is comfortable that they will not suffer any downfalls as a result of attending the event, to go and present divrei Torah.

Of course it is necessary that the individual be absolutely certain in their belief that they are strong enough, and have the approval of their Rav or Mashpiah. But if one is honestly certain; is it in the best interest of avodas Hashem to have all the Yidden at the event miss out on divrei Torah and eat from zivchei mesim - the sacrifices of idols (Pirkei Avos 3,3) ? **

In the order of the world we currently live in, to spread the light of Torah and increase the volume of Torah and Mitzvos being observed, it is at times necessary that one interact with members of the opposite gender -obviously within the boundaries of halacha.

In a personal inter-gender relationship where there is no specific avodas Hashem-related intention, one has to ask themselves why they are entering into it, platonic or not. After all it does say in shulchan aruch that man must distance himself from woman very very much.

**Care must be taken that one is not providing an excuse for an unsanctioned event by presenting divrei Torah. There have been precarious scenarios where anti-religious organizations may have used the presence of divrei Torah to support their competition with frum organizations.