Checking out.......

As much as I have thoroughly enjoyed keeping this blog, it has been consuming too much time that I can ill afford and other commitments are suffering. Despite my desire to keep writing, I have a responsibility to give my other commitments the time they deserve and require, so I have to take an extended break from posting.

For any one who is just discovering this blog, feel free to browse through previous posts. They were not intended specifically for the time at which they were written, and are not obsolete. They are still as relevant as they were when written, so feel free to check them out.


I would like to thank all those that have contributed to discussions and made this blog more than just a presentation of some of my thoughts, I hope something useful has come out of it.

What about if I can 'just talk' ?

Comment:
"ive spoken to girls many times without those thoughts goin through my head. and whats the big deal? just like u hold yourself back from talking to them, i hold myself back from acting on it. both are hard. both call for restraint.

Response:
Many things are forbidden by Jewish law. There are actions that one is forbidden to perform, things one is forbidden to say, and thoughts that one is forbidden to entertain. Many forbidden actions are tempting and observance of the prohibitions may be quite challenging, however if the will-power is present one can abstain from action -similarly, one can abstain from speech.

Prohibited thought is often considered to be the hardest to avoid, as where speech and action can be completely halted, the thought process of a human occurs continuously without pause whilst conscious. As long as one is awake, he/she can not simply stop thinking but can only direct the course that their thought follows. Even this direction can at times be challenging, and often when trying not to think about something specific, one tends to find themselves thinking about that particular thing, or at least about not thinking about that thing (which is indirectly still thinking about that thing).

Kitzur Shulchan Aruch (The Classic Guide to Jewish Law) states (ch. 151 par. 2) that any thought that is any way carnal in nature, is prohibited. The continuous and dynamic nature of the human mind means that inappropriate thoughts may enter one’s head involuntarily, and the occurrence of these thoughts is one of man’s challenges and is not a sin as long as one diverts the direction of their thought immediately. However to entertain the thought once it occurs or to voluntarily initiate such thought, is to transgress a prohibition.

In any continuous inter-gender relationship where there is even a slight possibility or mere hypothetical potential for intimate physical interaction, sooner or later an inappropriate thought will pop into one’s head. Even be it a brief, short-lived thought that is entirely unrealistic, because the occurence of the thought is a direct outcome of a scenario the individual has voluntarily chosen to submit themselves to, it could have been avoided and is thus a transgression of the prohibition against carnal thought.

Also, keep in mind that this is all assuming that one will never submit to the temptation for unsanctioned physical interaction. It may seem that one will not ever be realistically tempted to transgress such prohibitions, after all “This is a serious issue, and it is one of those lines that I would never cross.” But many have made this mistake in the past. Every reproductively mature human has an intrinsic unavoidable weakness in this area. As Anonym00kie has pointed out (in a comment to the previous post), the temptation is cumulative and no matter how strong one is, it is only a matter of time before it becomes overpowering. It can happen gradually - over months or even years so that one will never notice it happening, but it is part of the nature of the animal kingdom and it is unavoidable.

What's the big deal about talking anyway?

Query:
"...why is it that guys cant talk to girls before marraige (and girls to guys?). i understand you think that touching is an act of intamacy, etc, which i guess does make sence - but why not just talking? (p.s. im not religious, and trying to understand)"

Response:
Biologically, the sole purpose of any individual organism is to ensure the continuation of its species, and every organism has been endowed with particular instincts and mechanisms that enable it to fulfill this role. In the animal kingdom, nutrition is ensured by the discomfort experienced during hunger, respiration by the pain of suffocation, and the list goes on. One does not actually experience a desire for nutrients when hungry or the need for oxygen when suffocating, merely the desire to eat or to breathe. Likewise, all animals experience an urge to engage in activities associated with the continuation of their species i.e. procreation, and because the need to reproduce if the most biologically fundamental, the urge to engage in the associated activities reigns supreme.

Being intellectual animals and creatures of imagination, humans have a tendency to take the basic natural urges that all animals have far beyond the limits required by the basic biological functions that they serve. The desire to eat to satisfy hunger is exaggerated supporting a multi-billion dollar (biologically unnecessary) culinary industry, and the need to defend oneself against predators has been grossly distorted, resulting in wars the likes of which are unheard of outside of the human species. Likewise, the extent to which the human mind can extrapolate the desire to engage in procreative activity is virtually endless.

Such activity (reproductive) is not only allowed but is encouraged in Judaism, and raising a family is a fundamental element is service of G-d. However as with all activities, there are guidelines. The observance of not only monogamy but extra-marital celibacy is paramount in Judaism, and whilst encouraged, procreative activity must take place within the boundaries of marriage. Being so, and being that it is an intrinsic element of man’s constitution that he has an colossal weakness for woman (and vice versa), it is important that individuals of opposite genders avoid at all costs, any scenario that might create temptation for unsanctioned physical interaction.

So why can’t we talk???

A wise man once said:
If a man and a woman are together in a scenario where they could potentially engage in carnal activity and nothing – not even a flash of such thought passes through either of their heads at all, then there is a serious problem.
(-I’m not sure of the original source of the statement, but it is certainly on the mark)

Essentially there is nothing wrong with talking to individuals of the opposite gender, and certainly not with politely greeting one another or stopping to help with directions (etc.). However if two such individuals do have a relationship on a person level, the likelihood that neither will ever experience any form of imagined carnal thought whatsoever –even be it completely unrealistic, is extremely slim.

Indeed the majority of such thoughts when they do occur do not result in subsequent action. However due to the extent of the natural urge and the resulting temptation, as well as the importance of the prohibition, extra-marital inter-gender relationships on a personal level are strongly discouraged.

This issue is relevant both for single and married individuals However it is often emphasized more for those who are single; as being unmarried, their only acceptable response to such temptation is complete and total self-control. To successfully exercise this degree self-control consistently in the face of such temptation would be an immense challenge, and the realistic probability of a prohibition being transgressed by a single individual is far greater